Some of you know that I was in the military as a young woman. 1981 – 1985, in the US Air Force. Yes – that long ago! It was a call that I heard that solved several questions for me: 1: how do I a) get out of this valley and b) find a life; 2: what can I do to really make a difference for my country; 3: I want to be who I really am – I want to start finding her, and I want to become her, and I want to really “live” as who she is, in her full potential.
I do not think these are uncommon questions in the life of a young person, indeed even in us older folks, and there are certainly many directions that such a pursuit can take you, but the Air Force was the direction I took. It appealed to me.
I had already been on my own for a few years, so I thought I knew what it was like to have a job, have responsibilities, and owe something back to people in my life in a direct manner, and my community, generally.
Stepping out of the bus and onto the pavement in TX proved that I, and everyone else on that bus, was wrong.
The “testing” that is Basic Training is about “Dying to Self” in ways that people generally just don’t understand. It is one big reason we honor people in the military. It’s not just the sacrifice of living, as in getting to breath, but also the sacrifice of living, as in moving as a singular unit; believing our actions to be our own, and only our own; not being driven by community or for the community.
There are some real jerks that go into the throng of military volunteers in order to hide, or just survive until they can figure out something better. These tend to be the lesser of those in the military, and often are weeded out in basic training because – well – because basic training is hard.
AND there are those that go into the service to be noticed – because they like the power associated with rising through the ranks, and telling others what to do. Let’s call them “head trips.”
Those who enter the military to serve themselves either do really poorly, or really well. Kind of like the odd police officer you meet that you know is a dismal failure, or just there as a head trip, but is also an achiever.
The failures usually fade away. Most people in basic have a hard time keeping up because it is meant to be a difficult thing, but the failures stop trying. Not making it is different than quitting. If you fall, you can get up and have a 2nd chance, unless your fall was profound – like you broke your leg badly and that isn’t going to heal for a long time. But quitting is an attitude. It is an attitude that is quickly noticed in basic training, and you are given the choice to leave quietly, or are driven out. That is a type of self-centeredness that coddles the self – one that says “this is just too hard – let’s quit – it’s okay to give up.”
The “head trips” are the other end of the self-centeredness scale. They either find out early-on that ego won’t carry them through, or they are physically and/or emotionally strong and use that strength to drive themselves to success. “Head trips” are normally very strong willed, so quitting isn’t usually an option. The battle feeds their ego. The “wins” become an addiction. Telling others what to do feeds their self-esteem rather than allowing them to use their natural talents to serve the whole community. This is not something that only occurs in the military by any means.
The rest generally fall into a group with good motives, strong desire, and at least the beginnings of an understanding or desire of serving.
It is common for everyone in the military to fluctuate occasionally into a “head trip” because of the great efforts they have to make, rewards, victories, and because they’re human. The normal military servant, though, comes back to their senses after one of those “highs.” They step back into their roles and move on. OR, someone cuffs them back into place. Either or….lol.
When we arrived for Basic Training, we were called Rainbows. It took us a bit to find out why. It was because we all arrived in our street clothes, and wore the colors of rainbows. There was no conformity; we stood out. One of the tasks of the first day was to be measured for uniforms. However, they would take a few days to arrive.
Once we rainbows were settled in, we began training just like everyone else. But we didn’t LOOK like everyone else. It was vexing. “Look at the rainbows” was heard often. “You rainbows…you’ll get it; it just takes a while.”
Now, don’t be offended, but I dislike green. I am an artist – and green is for grass, plants and trees. It looks good there. But not in clothing, or on walls. To this day I rarely wear green. I walk around on St Patty’s Day just daring people to mess with me in my blue jeans and pink shirt.
I drove a green car for a while as a young mother, and hated it. I told my husband when we started looking for a new vehicle recently that green was off the table. Lol.
BUT – when the drab green “uniforms-of-the-day” showed up we were soooo happy. Finally! We could blend in and not stand out like sore thumbs. We could be recognized as one of the community, not as outsiders. You could walk around the compound without people staring, or laughing, or taunting.
It was part of the disappearance of the old self. The blending in that didn’t cost you your real person, but made you one of the group while building up the authentic potential you had.
The rest of Basic Training cost each of us a lot of excess weight, and I’m not just talking about the 10 pounds I shed.
“I know…” That was one of the first to go. There was so much to learn, and so much to unlearn. One thing we learned was a rule of engagement. “The plan of battle lasts until right after the battle has begun.” Things change quickly – be vigilant, stay ready, and be flexible.
“Of course I can…” It was hard. We tried hard. But sometimes we failed and had to start over. The Technical Instructors were there to help us to either avoid or learn from our failures…or rip our heads off and yell down our throats…their choice. Lol.
“I can’t…” We all found out that we could do more than we ever had imagined before that time. “I’m tired…” There is a new kind of tired that is learned. An exception I can think of would be people who buck bales all day in the hot sun. It’s that kind of tired – every day for weeks. Your knuckles drag on the floor. Eight hours sleep isn’t enough, but you’re lucky to get that. Sleep deprivation training just blends in with everything else.
My recruiter had told me we got an hour for lunch. HA!
So much baggage got shed in Basic Training. So much loyalty, perseverance, and camaraderie were built in.
The breaking came first. That breaking allowed the building that followed. The more self-centered or stubborn you were, the harder the breaking was. The humbler and more pliable you were, the less painful it was.
But break we did. No one comes out of Basic Training the same person, except the ones that are kicked out or quit. There is a new, built-in humility that is combined with confidence. That seems like an oxymoron – like Giant Shrimp…or Breakfast All Day. But it just happened. There was an emotional combination of someone who had recently failed a lot, but also had many victories.
We struggled so hard that we had to drop a lot of baggage to stay on task, and in doing so found someone inside that had not yet really existed in our day-to-day lives. Generally, we liked them, and walked in that new self-understanding happily.
After Basic, when we went home for our first visit – there were mixed reviews. Lots of folk were proud and pleased. But some, well…they didn’t like the strength we had gained. The wanted us to stay “under” them. They mocked us. Considering the efforts we had just made, that was a bit confusing, but it didn’t take long for us to move on with our service. It was interesting how many people talked about those confrontations as we got back to our bases and began mingling with our brothers and sisters in uniform. We lifted each other up past those times, and our loyalty toward one another served as a balm in that wound.
Of course, taking orders well is a big part of the military life. But our good leaders had faced the same kind of breaking and building we had. The respect and honor that was given to us by our leaders made taking orders a pleasure. In fact, they rarely used the word “order.” They often said “please,” and “thank you.” We served out of desire, not duty. In that way, duty was fulfilled without notice much of the time.
The term “duty” as an undesirable task was often saved for things that took everything we had – good, but difficult. Things that we wouldn’t normally want to do before we became servants. In that, duty might not be embraced as pleasurable, but was embraced as necessary, even to the giving of one’s life. The breath of life, not the freedom to live. The freedom to live had been so honed that the sacrifice of the breath of life was now considered one of our freedoms to be embraced, and shared.
Whatever our day-to-day jobs, and whether we were ever fired upon or not, it was there, breathing inside of us; ready to engage.
That freedom exhaled from within us whenever we saw a need, either in our own company, or in our community. No rank mattered. We pulled together and each used their gifts and training to accomplish the goal. Together we were strong, and effective, as long as we were humble and confident.
Death of “self” came before the sacrifice of the breath of life, and it made death more doable, and even desirable when really needed.
There is so much about Christianity that makes sense to me because of the time I spent in the military.
Have you ever heard the phrase to “test one’s mettle?” It means to test whether a person has the heart to follow through when the going gets tough. Kind of combining knowledge, will, and heart, or “guts.”
Jesus Christ didn’t have His first Ministry Training “test” moment at The Cross.
He actually put Himself through training for the first 12 years. I am sure His earthly parents helped, but that would have done NO good if He wasn’t engaged in the process. He learned God’s Word, and He understood God’s Word.
Luke 2:40 tells us “He grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.” NIV
The first intense test: or “wet fire” as we called it in the military, came when Jesus was just 12 years old. He was in the temple as His family visited Jerusalem for Passover. So – this was a year before the bar mitzva – the “coming of age” ritual of the transition from a child to an adult in the eyes of the Jewish community. Girls had a similar ritual called a bat mitzva. He was young, but He had obviously pursued God, and put God first in His young life.
Luke 2:47 tells us “Everyone who heard Him was amazed at his understanding and answers.” NIV(Don’t let people pull you down because you are young – serve God!)
The second test: As He got older, but before His ministry really got started, Jesus, a sinless grown man, gave Himself to be baptized “to fulfill all righteousness.” (Matt 3:16) He made a point of identifying with the people that He came to save. At the very beginning; Jesus was a servant.
NT Wright calls Him “A Jesus who comes and stands humbly before John, asking for baptism, sharing the penitential mood of the rest of Judaea, Jerusalem and Galilee. A Jesus who seems to be identifying himself, not with a God who sweeps all before him in judgement, but with the people who are themselves facing that judgement and needing to repent.” (Matthew for Everyone, Pg 21) Wright continues to tell us that this Jesus came to fulfill God’s Plan “by humbly identifying himself with God’s people, by taking their place, sharing their penitence, living their life and ultimately dying their death.” (Pg 22)
Baptism was a big part of Jesus’ “Ministry Training.” It was the point at which Jesus obediently stepped out of Basic Training, and into practicing what He had learned, with humble wisdom.
His next test: to begin sacrificing Himself for all of Israel, and the world. Jesus walked away from His people and into the wilderness, and voluntarily expressed His freedom to die-to-self by sacrificing Himself in prayer and fasting for 40 days in solitude. Jesus embraced this sacrifice to the point of extreme physical weakness, and it was at that point of weakness that He had victory over the temptations that had also been offered in the garden of Eden, and He set things straight.
A Jesus refused the offer of beautiful, tasty food that would sustain his physical life, but do nothing for His spiritual life.
B Jesus was prepared with understanding so he refused to doubt or confuse God’s Word and take authority for Himself.
C Jesus refused the chance to test His mortality or God’s promises. Jesus chose not to test God’s provision of safety, instead walking in sacrificial obedience as a human until the proper time had come.
D Jesus freely clothed Himself with dutiful obedience, instead of failing, then looking for a way to hide. We like to call that asking forgiveness instead of permission…
Jesus continued to embraced many tests, and honored God in every single one.
God’s Word tells us “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” Luke 16:10 NIV
Jesus exhaled freedom and died to Himself so that others could live.
In military service, there are times that a person knows. They know that what they are about to do might just get them killed. Sometimes they know for sure it will get them killed. The freedom to live dictates the embrace of the duty of sacrifice of the breath of life so that others might live.
They embrace the dying that needs to be done, rather than take the chance that the people they love and are caring for, will fall.
Luke 22:39–43: “Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.”
Jesus had victory over the last, and biggest, test.
He allowed Himself to be arrested and died for the sins of humanity – sins He had never committed.
He was accused of lying when He said He was God, but He was telling the truth.
The religious leaders called Him a sham, but He was the real deal.
Unbelievers mocked Him and beat Him, and Jesus asked that they all be forgiven from the cross that they had nailed to His hands and feet.
Jesus had previously died-to-self so often that when the time came to give up His breath, He did so flawlessly – He embraced it as desirable, knowing there was no other way for me to be free. For you to be free.
Through Holy Spirit, even though sometimes it’s hard for us to believe this of ourselves, we too can die-to-self so that others might live. A little at first, then more as we grow in Christ.
The Apostle Paul went through many tests, not always passing the first time but, in The Lord, succeeding. He writes about this to the Corinthians.
2 Cor. 5:14-15: “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” NIV (emphasis mine in all cases)
2 Cor. 6:4-10: “…as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” NIV
The sacrifice of living, or Dying to Self, begins the moment Holy Spirit enters our life. It is a part of our freedom, but needs to be embraced for it to be effective. It’s part of the disappearance of the old self, and the putting on of the new.
Dying to Self happens moment by moment, day by day, and continues until we reach our full potential. It’s the little things at first. Kind words instead of harshness. Lifting, or feeding. Then it moves on to the more difficult. Once we know how to freely engage it, it usually feels good.
And when it does not feel good, it feels necessary, even imperative, so that we are fulfilled in the giving, even if the giving is our breath of life.
Have you accepted the breath of life that Jesus gave up, and gave to us from the cross?
Have you repented, and asked Holy Spirit into your life? Is Jesus Christ your master, not just a “great guy?”
Have you freely engaged and begun your training?
Have you died today?
Be blessed!
Leaona Huston
July 2024